A Golden Calf

A few days ago I read the story of the golden calf the Israelites had Aaron make when Moses was up on Mt. Sinai. In short it goes something like this:

Three months after the Israelites left Egypt they came to the base of Mt. Sinai. On the third day, as God had commanded, the people came forth purified to meet God at the foot of the mountain. God spoke to Moses alone on the mountain and gave him many commands, including the Ten Commandments forbidding idols. Moses returned to the people repeating everything the Lord had told him and the people said, "We will do everything the Lord has said; we will obey." Moses then returned to the mountain leaving the elders, Aaron, and Hur in charge telling them to wait for his return. Moses was up on the mountain for forty days and forty nights. During that time the Israelites became impatient and said to Aaron, "Come, make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don't know what has happened to him" (Exodus 32:1).  So Aaron had the people give him their gold and he made an idol cast in the shape of a calf. The people claimed it was the god who brought them out of Egypt and Aaron declared the following day their would be a festival to the Lord.

At first when I read this I thought, seriously Aaron?  I wanted to tell the Israelites, um, didn't God just tell you that you are supposed to have no other gods before him? It had not even been that long since God had released them from their bondage in Egypt. How quickly they forgot what God had done for them! Forty days before they were trembling in fear as they gazed upon the lightning, thunder, and smoking mountain. Where was that fear when they ate, drank, and got up to indulge in revelry? They had told the Lord they would obey him, yet they disobeyed his very first commandment.

As I was pondering all these thoughts, it suddenly struck me that I am similar to the Israelites. No, I have not been released from physical bondage or seen the Red Sea parted or received water from a rock. However, the Lord has worked in my life, displaying his glory, showing me He is going before me as a protector and provider. The Israelites promised to obey God and well, I have too, the day I gave my life to Him. The Isrealites grew impatient waiting for Moses, waiting for God. They failed to trust God, not remembering who He was, what He had done for them, and what He had commanded them. Hmm.

Who am I to judge the Israelites when I act the same way they do? I am so impatient in my life sometimes. I have been impatient in provision for jobs, finances, and relationships. I have been impatient in prayer wanting an answer immediately. I have been impatient in trials wishing them to be over. I fail to trust God's timing, forgetting what He has done for me, who Scripture says He is, and what He has commanded me to do. I may not cast a golden calf, but I do disobey doing what I think is best in my impatience, trusting myself. I try to provide for my own needs, but I am not very good at it. Only God is the true protector, provider, and fully trustworthy.

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" Psalm 27:14

Understanding I Won't Understand

This summer I had plans for my life. I am always making plans for my life and trying to figure out how to achieve them. I find security in knowing what is ahead. I find motivation in working towards goals. I find comfort in having reasons for what I do. Sometimes my plans happen and sometimes they don't. This summer my plans didn't happen. I keep asking why? I don't understand. God heard me and he reminded me of this:

"I know, O Lord, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps." Jeremiah 10:23

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

"A man's steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?" Proverbs 20:24

My life is not my own, it is completely God's. He is the one who gives me every breath. No matter how hard I try, my plans will only happen if it God's will. The Lord's purpose will ultimately take place regardless of what I plan. I won't understand my steps, because God is directing them.

My life is a puzzle and I'm holding a puzzle piece that doesn't quite make sense, it doesn't match my other puzzle pieces. I can't figure out why I have it or where it belongs. . . but God, He is looking at the picture on the front of the box. He knows exactly where that puzzle piece goes and how it is the only piece that will fit perfectly into the puzzle. He sees how it connects to both the pieces that are already put together and the pieces still left in the box.  Its hard when all I see is a puzzle piece I don't understand. When I can't look at the picture on the front of the box. My only option is to trust the One who can see that picture. To trust the piece I'm holding is necessary to finishing that puzzle and it does fit in perfectly.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

A Memory Revived

When I was a little girl, my dad use to tuck my siblings and I into bed every night. Sometimes he would give us horse-y rides to the bedroom and sometimes if we talked real sweet he would read us a bed time story like the Little Gingerbread Man or sing us to sleep. However, one thing that never failed to happen before he kissed us goodnight was prayers. Some nights we would each pray and other nights we would say a prayer together, like the Lord's prayer. One passage of scripture that we prayed occasionally was Psalm 23.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and  your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will well in the house of the Lord forever. "

This was one of the first passages of Scripture I memorized and I could almost say it in my sleep. This summer, it has taken on a whole new meaning to me though. Never have I considered its words to be so comforting and precious. It speaks of who God is, what He does, who I am, and what my response should be. 

God is my shepherd, the one who watches over me, over all my life and needs. He guides me to green pastures and quiet waters--good things. He does these things, not just for me, but for His glory. God is looking out for my best interest, fulfilling my needs, and guiding me to good things. While this is true, it doesn't mean my life will be void of troubles. Even though I experience troubles--the valley of the shadow of death--I do not have to fear anything. God has made me lie down in green pastures, and lead me to quiet waters. I already see that He is good and trustworthy. Thus, I don't have to fear. God is with me, using His rod and staff. As a shepherd He uses His rod and staff to guide and protect me. I find comfort knowing that even though I walk through trouble, God is guiding and protecting me. If He is watching out for me I have nothing to fear, no evil.

I must admit I feel as if I have walked through a valley of the shadow of death or two in my life. When I'm there it is awful, it is painful, it is scary. Sometimes it seems like more than I can handle. I search for ways to forget, to alleviate my pain, to comfort myself. The world offers a variety of options like alcohol, drugs, violence, medications, relationships, cutting . . . The truth is though, none of those will take away the pain or bring the comfort they promise. They only make the valley floor deeper and the mountains steeper. What brings comfort and removes fear is God the shepherd, His rod and staff. He is there in every valley of the shadow of death I walk through, guiding me, protecting me. He is saying to me:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

I can cast all of my cares on God (Psalm 55:22) because he is " [my] refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble, therefore [I] will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging" (Psalm 46:1-2).

No matter how dark or big the valley of the shadow of death may be God is with me. He is guiding me and protecting me as my shepherd. He desires to bring me to green pastures and still waters. So in my valley I won't turn to what the world has to offer, I will turn to God. He is right there, He hasn't left me. Oh, what a wonderful Shepherd I have!

God's path is not always the short path

This summer I have been reading through the beginning of the Old Testament and have been captivated by some of the stories. One story in particular which intrigued me was of the Israelites trek out of Egypt.

"When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, "If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt." So God led the people around by the dessert road toward the Red Sea. The Israelites went up out of Egypt armed for battle." Exodus 13:17-18

After reading this passage I was confused. If the Israelites went up out of Egypt armed for battle wouldn't they have been expecting a military confrontation? So why did God say if they face war they would change their minds and return to Egypt? Even the other path God led the people on had a military confrontation, Pharaoh changed his mind and pursued the Israelites with his entire army (Exodus 14:8-9). The people ended up wanting to return to Egypt anyways saying "It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert?" So why did God not just lead them on the shortest path?

As I pondered these questions I couldn't really come up with any solid answers, except God knew best. Perhaps the shorter route would have led them into a bigger army than Pharaoh's army? Perhaps "armed for battle" means an organized march, not ready for military confrontation with armor, bows, or arrows (Bible Knowledge Commentary)? Perhaps God knew that the story of the Red Sea would leave the Israelites no room for thinking they had any part in saving themselves from the Egyptians? Perhaps God knew his miraculous parting of the sea would glorify Him more than simply giving victory in a battle? Perhaps God knew the crossing of the Red Sea would be a monumental memory testifying to His power that would be passed down from generation to generation and recorded in Scripture? Perhaps God knew the long path through the Red Sea and desert held necessary lessons for the Israelites to learn? Perhaps God knew the long path would cause the Israelites to fully rely on Him for everything including their very food and water? Perhaps God knew the long path would display His glory and character? Perhaps God knew the trials in the desert would display His continued faithfulness? Perhaps God knew the long path would teach not only the Israelites, but future generations up to a young 22 year old woman in the year 2011? Perhaps God knew best?

I like the short paths in life. They make the most sense to me, I understand them, I know why I am taking them. I'm learning though that God's path is not always the shortest path. I'm learning perhaps God knows the short path has something I cannot handle on it. I may think I am armed for battle or prepared, but God knows I am not. Or maybe when I take the short path I struggle with thinking it is "me," and I begin to be self-reliant. Maybe the short path, does not bear the trials which God is going to use to teach me. Perhaps the short path does not bring as much glory to God as the long path? God knew best in taking the Israelites on the long path, and I trust the same is true for me. I can't question God when He turns me around from the short path to a longer one, I must trust He knows best.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

A God Who Sees

This summer has been far different than I ever imagined. It has been difficult in many ways. I have experienced heartache and pain deeper than any other I can recall in my life. The hurt was so strong I did not know how to handle it. How could I get release from this anguish? It was during this time I met another woman in affliction--Hagar.

Genesis 16 describes Hagar as the Egyptian maidservant of Sarai, Abram's wife. Now, Sarai was barren and "in the legal custom of that day a barren woman could giver her maid to her husband as a wife, and the child born of that union was regarded as the first wife's child" (Bible Knowledge Commentary). As a maidservant I don't assume Hagar had much say about her life, and according to the story, Sarai gave Hagar to Abram to be his wife thinking perhaps she could build a family through Hagar. Sarai's plan was successful for soon Hagar became pregnant. If Hagar had a son it would be regarded as Sarai's son and so Hagar began to despise Sarai. In turn, Sarai mistreated Hagar. Eventually, Hagar was so afflicted she fled into the desert.

I must admit, if I was Hagar I'd be upset too. She did not choose to marry Abram, to become pregnant, to possibly lose the baby growing inside of her to another woman, to be mistreated. It seemed a bit unfair! I see a bit of my own life in Hagar's story. I did not choose to experience the trials I am going through. Sometimes I feel as if it is unfair. I don't understand why I am being put through this. My affliction is heavy upon my soul and I want to release it, to flee.

The story continues with an angel of the Lord finding Hagar in the desert. He asked her where she had come from and where she was going and Hagar answered she was running from her mistress. Then the angel of the Lord told her to go back and submit to Sarai. He also said, "You are now with child and you will have a son. You shall name him Ishmael, for the Lord has heard of your misery" (Genesis 16:11a). Hagar then replied, "You are the God who sees me . . .  I have now see the One who sees me" (Genesis 16:13).

God heard and saw Hagar's misery. He did not say her feelings were invalid. He met her and recognized her pain. The Lord desired so strongly for Hagar to know He realized her suffering that He told her to name her son Ishmael, meaning God hears. Her son's name would be a constant reminder. God also told Hagar to return to the situation which caused her affliction, but this time she knew God would be with her. Hagar was a woman in affliction, I am a woman in affliction, God saw Hagar, and God sees me. I may not understand my suffering, but I know I am not alone. It is such as comfort to know God sees my pain and hears my cries! I no longer wonder how to release my anguish I know what to do. I must take it to the God who sees.

"The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those crushed in spirit" Psalm 34:18.