Rain

It's holiday here. Yes, isn't that a fantastic word, "holiday"? I think I shall forever discard the use of "break" or "vacation"! Unlike many expatriates on holiday, I spent the day settling into my apartment. Of course this means I was still scrubbing, but this time with no accidents. I was in the kitchen cleaning my cabinets when I heard the all familiar patter of rain.

It's the dry season here, so it doesn't rain much and when it does rain, it doesn't last for long. Today I stood mesmerized for that short period of time at the window watching. Just watching the rain drip down the window and off the ledge outside. The rain brought with it a transformation. A sky white from a haze of smog cleared to reveal a city stretched across the horizon. This simple transformation seemed to demonstrate an idea addressed yesterday at church and in my devotions this morning.

"Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know that they do wrong." Ecclesiastes 5:1

How do I come before God? What is the condition of my heart and mind? What are my actions when I come? In the Old Testament the Lord required that a perfect lamb without blemish be brought for sacrifice (Deuteronomy 17:1). When I come before the Lord, should I not bring Him the BEST sacrifice I have to offer? Of course I am not bringing a lamb, as Jesus Christ has paid my debt, but I am bringing my heart and my mind. Psalm 51:17 says, "the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God you will not despise." Is my heart broken and contrite? Or do I come before God with unconfessed sin?

If I'm honest, there are a lot of times I come before God in a rush. Life has caused me to be frazzled or distracted so when I pray confession seems to get tossed out, along with praise, in order that my "requests" make it in. Why is that? It seems as if somehow I have forgotten who God is and who I am. "If [I] claim to be without sin, [I] deceive [myself] and the truth is not in [me]" (1 John 1:8). He is a holy God and has called me to obedience. Do I think that He can't see my unconfessed sin or doesn't care about it? Might I believe unconfessed sin won't effect my relationship with Him?

Unconfessed sin is like the smoggy horizon before the rain. I can't see clearly. My relationship with the Lord just isn't the same. Confessing my sin brings a transformation, like the rain. When I have humbled myself and been honest with God I experience His grace in a much fuller way making my joy complete.

I want to guard my steps when I come to God. Perhaps think a little bit more about just who I am coming before and what He requires. I want to come broken, contrite, humble. Ready to listen, not to talk. I don't want to be enveloped in smog, I want the rain, the rain that will let me see and know Him.

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9 

 

When I kept silent

David was called a "man after God's own heart," yet he still fell into sin. Not only did he sin, but sometimes he failed to acknowledge his wrongdoing before the Lord. In Psalm 32, David describes the ramifications of unconfessed sin he experienced.

"1 Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. 2 Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit. 3 When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. 4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. 5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgression to the Lord"--and you forgave the guilt of my sin. 6 Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him."                 Psalm 32:1-6

Sometimes I wish I could sit down and just talk with David. I mean, his words could almost be written from my own soul. If we could talk I would want to ask why he didn't confess his sins sooner. I wonder if we would find commonality in our experiences. Was it because he felt ashamed? Was it because he was in denial of his sin? Was it because he had excuse after excuse for his actions? Was it because he was fearful of God's wrath?  Was it because he was consumed with his own desires?

Whatever the reason, David's silence, poisoned his very being from the inside out. He was miserable, groaning all day, he was even brought to the point of physical discomfort. There is a struggle within between what has been done and the convictions of truth. The uneasiness is like a weight, a burden, which grows daily resulting in weariness. Even worse, unconfessed sin severs communion with God, therefore one remains alone, isolated. God already knows the sin, it is only self-inflicted injury.

Why do I try to hide things from God? Why do I keep silent at times? I have experienced the intolerable pain that it brings. Never have I felt so alone as when I kept silent. Never have I experienced greater affliction within my heart as when I refuse to acknowledge my sin. Never have I been so lost grasping for purpose as when I failed to confess my sin. Nothing satisfies like sweet communion with the Lord. I have been silent and there is no reason worth the anguish it brings. Truly, "Blessed is the man whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit."

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just, and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

Psalm 51

Psalm 51  was written by David when the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.

"1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. 3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. 4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge. 5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. 6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place. 7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. 8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. 9 Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. 10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. 13Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you. 14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me, and my tongue will sing  of your righteousness. 15 O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. 16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. 17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. 18 In your good pleasure make Zion prosper; build up walls of Jerusalem. 19 Then there will be righteous sacrifices, whole burnt offerings to delight you; then bulls will be offered on your altar." 

I love David's example of confession. David is aware of God's justice (vs. 4), yet He begins by appealing to God's attributes of mercy and compassion. David fully recognizes his sin. He does not make excuses or try to justify it. Instead he openly admits he is aware of his sin and it has been constantly eating away at him. David doesn't just ask God to forgive his sins though, He asks God to create within him a pure heart and steadfast spirit. David comes before the Lord fully aware his actions warrant judgement, yet he appeals to God's mercy knowing the Lord does not despise a broken and contrite heart.

How often do I try to justify my sin? Do I make excuses for my wrongdoing? Surely God is compassionate and merciful, but do I truly come broken and contrite? Do I stop at asking God for forgiveness or do I beg for Him to keep me close and guide me with His Holy Spirit so I do not fall back into sin? Do I proclaim God's righteousness and praise Him for his forgiveness or do I keep it to myself? How do I confess my sin before the Lord?