"Jesus loves me"

Cross-legged, sitting on the floor, surrounded by three-year olds, I sing the words "Jesus loves me, this I know." A dozen little voices blend with mine. The words, so familiar to me, come without thinking, but for some of them it could be the first time they heard this truth. The truth that Jesus loves them.

I have heard the truth of Jesus' love for me so much I sometimes fail to remember what it really means. It becomes a statement I know, I say, but my heart forgets. What does it mean that Jesus loves us, that God loves us?

He died for us. -- "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

He gives us life. -- "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full." John 10:10

He sets us free. -- "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." Romans 8:1-2

He forgives us. -- "He does not create us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." Psalm 103:10-12

He calls us his children. -- "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" 1 John 3:1

He shares his sufferings and glory with us. -- "Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory." Romans 8:17

He casts out fear. -- "God is love. . . . There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment." 1 John 4:16,18

He works for our good as we obey him. -- "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

He disciplines us. -- "'My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines this he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son'. . . . God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness." Hebrews 12:5-6,10

He gives us rest. -- "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

He watches over us. -- "The Lord watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy." Psalm 145:20

He provides for us. -- "So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:31-33

He knows us. -- "O Lord you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar." Psalm 139:1-2

There is so much wrapped up in the way that God loves us. I didn't even cover all of it. Today, my heart needed to be reminded of these things. It needed to be reminded of how great the love is that he has lavished on us. It needed to be reminded of how to respond to such a love as this. Thank you Father for your great love.

The Little Things

There are six weeks left in the school year. Already, I've finished classes with my grade 12 students. Hallelujah! No more Calculus! For the next two weeks my grade 12 students will be writing their International Baccalaureate exams. Although the end of the school years seems so close, my desk is still piled high with papers to mark, curriculum projects to finish, exams to write, and review materials to prepare. Teaching at SPH this year has been a lot of work. Yet, despite the hours and hours of work I have often found an irrepressible thankfulness rising up in my heart. I am thankful for these little blessings:

• Six other single women whom have shared this journey of first year teaching in Indonesia
• Coworkers who are flexible, understanding, and dedicated
• A supportive community among fellow expatriates
• Living close to my best friend
• Having the opportunity to travel and see new places 
• Wearing a uniform so I no longer have to deliberate over outfits (really, but not really, I want my full closet back, haha!)
• Living within walking distance to the grocery store and anything else I should need
• Friends who also have to "work" after work
• Blue skies and sunshine when the smoggy Jakarta air lifts
• Air conditioning!
• Cheap tickets to the movies
• New friendships with people from all over the world
• Experiencing a life different than what I've always known
• Random holidays the government declares 
• Motor bike rides with the wind blowing in my face :)
• Beautiful city lights at night
• Learning about another culture and what they value
• Getting mail from home!
• Trying all sorts of new foods and increasing my "spicy" tolerance
• Dinners outside in the cool-ish evening air relaxing with friends
• Discovering bubble tea!
• Coffee shops that I can go work at when I'm unmotivated at home
• Capturing life on the other half of the world with my camera
• Encouraging words or notes from friends on rough days
• Candles to make my apartment seem like home
• 2+ hour spa appointments with friends that result in uplifting conversations
• Dinner multiple times a week with friends
• Friends who take me to karaoke on my "mandatory annual celebration of the aging process"
• Fresh flowers adorning my table

The list could go on and on. I was nervous when I moved to Indonesia. I was letting go and sacrificing a lot of things: being near family, sharing life with friends, living in a culture I understood, driving my AWESOME car . . . so many things. In my head I knew that God would take care of me, but today my heart knows it. These little blessings in the midst of this year's trials testify to it. This year God has provided for me physically, relationally, and spiritually in ways I could not have foreseen or imagined. 

In Matthew 6:25-34 Jesus states that we do not need to worry about what we eat, drink, or wear for God knows ALL our needs and will meet them. He says, "the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." I was tempted to not come to Indonesia because I feared being lonely, living far away from loved ones, or not having certain physical comforts. Yet, God saw ALL my needs, even the ones I didn't know I had, and he met them. God is my shepherd who makes me lie down in green pastures and leads me beside quiet waters (Psalm 23:2). He is my provider.

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Like Creation

"He set he earth on its foundations; it can never be moved. You covered it with the deep as with a garment; the waters stood above the mountains. . . . You set a boundary they cannot cross . . . He waters the mountains from his upper chambers; he earth is satisfied by the fruit of his work. . . . How many are your works, O Lord! In wisdom you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures. There is the sea, vast and spacious, teeming with creatures beyond number--living things both large and small. There the ships go to and fro, and the leviathan, which you formed to frolic there. These all look to you to give them food at the proper time. When you give it to them, they gather it up; when you open your hand, they are satisfied with good things. When you hide your face, they are terrified; when you take away their breath, they die and return to dust. When you send your Spirit, they are created, and you renew the face of the earth." Psalm 104

 God is Creator of all the earth. It is at His calling and disposal. He holds all things together, controlling the seemingly uncontrollable. How often I forget this! In the back of my mind do I not sometimes think that somehow certain situations are too hard or impossible for Him? How wrong I am! Psalm 104 speaks of God's power over all of nature, over the entire earth. The water, winds, plants, sun, moon, mountains, creatures, are all at His fingertips. This control, this power is unfathomable to me.

Perhaps this inability to comprehend leads me to think that I have control. For I certainly do believe that I have control sometimes. I find myself thinking I have a significant amount of power over things which take place in my life. Surely if I try hard enough things will go my way. Or if I don't have control, I can somehow try to be good or righteous enough for God to bless me so things will go my way. How terrible my motives and how small that thinking makes my God! The truth is I do not have control. My power is limited to my actions. I have no more power than the creatures in Psalm 104.

The creatures have no control over the winds, plants, water, or sun. They cannot control whether there is food to gather. So why do I think that I could do such things? I cannot control these things either. Why do I think I have more power or control then they? I should look to them as examples. Truly they are utterly dependent upon the Lord for their safety and provision. God gives them their food at the proper time and they gather it up. He opens His hand and they are satisfied with good things. God sent Jesus to earth to suffer and die in my place, so will He not provide for me what He provides for these creatures?

So what would happen if I would let go and trust the Lord for these things? What would happen if I would stop thinking I had control? If I would stop trying to control that which I never had control of? What if I truly realized in my heart God was in complete control? What if I thought of myself as more of one of His creatures, completely and utterly dependent upon Him?

"These all look to you to give them their food at the proper time. When you give it to them, they gather it up; when you open your hand, they are satisfied with good things."                     Psalm 104: 27-28

A Fake God

"What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us." I first heard this quote by A.W. Tozer a little over a year ago while listening to an audio cd of his book, Knowledge of the Holy One. Since then I have experienced how my view of God can effect everything else in my life and perhaps that is what A.W. Tozer meant when he said, "it is the most important thing about us."

This fall I worshiped a fake "God." I didn't recognize it at the time, but I most certainly do now. Busy trying to balance my new job and life, my time in the Scriptures slowly diminished. As life brought its trials,  I found myself questioning and upset. My mind began to try and make sense of what I was dealing with. Why were these things happening? Could God really have good things in store for me? Would God give me something I didn't want? Looking back the "God" of my mind was weak, didn't want the best for me, was unable to accomplish certain tasks, was inconsiderate of my feelings, only loved me when I did the right thing, and was not trustworthy. The result of my skewed view of God led to anxiousness, sadness, and hopelessness. It effected me spiritually, mentally, and even physically.

It began when I failed to make reading Scriptures and spending time with God a priority. Without daily filling my mind with the truth about who God was, my own mind took over and began making God into someone else. Even being raised in a Christian home, going to Bible college, and attending church regularly did not prevent this from happening. If daily I am not reminded of the truth of who God really is then He becomes what I want Him to be and I worship a fake God. The true God revealed in Scriptures was nothing like what I was thinking this fall. He is a God of hope, of unconditional love, of strength, and of wisdom beyond human understanding.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the RENEWING OF YOUR MIND. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will."   Romans 12:2 (emphasis added by me)

   

A God Who Sees

This summer has been far different than I ever imagined. It has been difficult in many ways. I have experienced heartache and pain deeper than any other I can recall in my life. The hurt was so strong I did not know how to handle it. How could I get release from this anguish? It was during this time I met another woman in affliction--Hagar.

Genesis 16 describes Hagar as the Egyptian maidservant of Sarai, Abram's wife. Now, Sarai was barren and "in the legal custom of that day a barren woman could giver her maid to her husband as a wife, and the child born of that union was regarded as the first wife's child" (Bible Knowledge Commentary). As a maidservant I don't assume Hagar had much say about her life, and according to the story, Sarai gave Hagar to Abram to be his wife thinking perhaps she could build a family through Hagar. Sarai's plan was successful for soon Hagar became pregnant. If Hagar had a son it would be regarded as Sarai's son and so Hagar began to despise Sarai. In turn, Sarai mistreated Hagar. Eventually, Hagar was so afflicted she fled into the desert.

I must admit, if I was Hagar I'd be upset too. She did not choose to marry Abram, to become pregnant, to possibly lose the baby growing inside of her to another woman, to be mistreated. It seemed a bit unfair! I see a bit of my own life in Hagar's story. I did not choose to experience the trials I am going through. Sometimes I feel as if it is unfair. I don't understand why I am being put through this. My affliction is heavy upon my soul and I want to release it, to flee.

The story continues with an angel of the Lord finding Hagar in the desert. He asked her where she had come from and where she was going and Hagar answered she was running from her mistress. Then the angel of the Lord told her to go back and submit to Sarai. He also said, "You are now with child and you will have a son. You shall name him Ishmael, for the Lord has heard of your misery" (Genesis 16:11a). Hagar then replied, "You are the God who sees me . . .  I have now see the One who sees me" (Genesis 16:13).

God heard and saw Hagar's misery. He did not say her feelings were invalid. He met her and recognized her pain. The Lord desired so strongly for Hagar to know He realized her suffering that He told her to name her son Ishmael, meaning God hears. Her son's name would be a constant reminder. God also told Hagar to return to the situation which caused her affliction, but this time she knew God would be with her. Hagar was a woman in affliction, I am a woman in affliction, God saw Hagar, and God sees me. I may not understand my suffering, but I know I am not alone. It is such as comfort to know God sees my pain and hears my cries! I no longer wonder how to release my anguish I know what to do. I must take it to the God who sees.

"The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those crushed in spirit" Psalm 34:18.