Afraid To Ask

Sometime last year I heard a sermon on Luke 11, Jesus' teaching on prayer. At the time it was intriguing and thought provoking, but it is even more so as of late. Chapter 11 of Luke opens with the disciples asking Jesus to teach them to pray. Jesus responds with what we typically call the Lord's Prayer. He then goes on to tell a parable about a man who goes to a friends' door at midnight and ask for three loaves of bread because he has nothing to set before a visiting friend has come from a long journey. The friend tells the man to go away because his household is shut up for the night, but the man is persistent and bold, so the friend gets up and gives him as much as he needs. Jesus then says:

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

Persistent, desperate, bold, dependent--that is Jesus' description of what a believer's prayer towards God should be. Just like the man got up to give his friend as much as he needs, Jesus promises that what is asked for will be given.

I am pretty good at asking God for what I think I need. Honestly, I would say the majority of my prayers revolve around asking the Lord for a variety of needs for myself or others. It isn't the asking that I struggle with, its the answering. Jesus said, what is asked for will be given, but sometimes I don't get what I ask for. This may be because what I am asking for is not in God's will (Jonah 4:3, 1 Kings 19:4, Mark 10:34-45). It may be because I ask with the wrong motives as James 4:3 describes. After all, my "heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure" Jeremiah 17:9. It could be because there is sin in my life (Isaiah 59:2). Whatever the reason, the truth is I don't always get what I ask for. Knowing that, sometimes I fear answers. I fear I won't like them. I fear they won't make me happy. I fear God's will might be something I don't want or even worse, something I hate. Surely, what I want is best . . . right?

Luke 11 goes on to say:

"Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

I've never been a parent before, but I've been told by numerous parents how much they desire their children's happiness. If it is in their power to influence the happiness and satisfaction of their children they will do so. God is not any different, in fact, He desires His children's satisfaction even more because of His perfect holiness. He does not desire to give that which would bring harm, such as a snake or scorpion. He wants what is best for His children. He gives good gifts. James 1:17 says, "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." Psalms 84:11 says, "no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless."

Sometimes I think what I want is best, but sometimes, maybe, I am unknowingly asking for a scorpion or a snake? I get caught up in thinking what I am asking for is what will make me happiest. I can't imagine there being anything else that could be better. So I fear--in pride, in ignorance, in lack of trust. While I may not be able to comprehend it or imagine it, God has a better gift. He wants the best for me, but it may not be what I think is best. I should not fear God's answer, because it is going to bring me good, not harm. It is going to be in my best interest. It is going to make me happiest. I must trust in His goodness and love for me. I must keep on asking--persistent, desperate, bold, dependent.

He Gives And Takes Away

It was a late summer sunrise. The kind where you just begin to feel the coolness of fall in the dampness of the air, yet the rising sun warms your skin. I was headed out for an early morning run before heading off to work at dispatch. As I began my run I tried to focus my thoughts towards prayer, but as always my mind wandered off in other directions. Somewhere between contemplating life and praying I was struck clearly with this thought: the Lord gives and the Lord takes away. I have no idea where it came from, because I don't recall having been reading through Job in which verse 1:21 says,

"Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised."

All I know is that I couldn't ignore the thought in my mind. It was there definite, intense, and unshakeable. So I began to wonder, is the Lord trying to tell me something? What could he possibly take from my life? Thousands of possibilities ran through my mind--family, my last year of college, friends, finances? I had no clue. Maybe it wasn't about what the Lord might take from me though. . .

The story of Job has always been puzzling and fascinating to me. It is unique in that it allows us a glimpse into interactions between God and Satan. In addition, it shows Satan's influence and work on earth. The very first verse of the book introduces Job as a man who "was blameless and upright; [who] feared God and shunned evil." Job is also described as having "seven sons, three daughters, seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen and five hundred donkeys, and a large number of servants. He was the greatest man among all the people of the East." As the story goes, God leaves everything Job has to Satan's discretion. In one day Job's sons and daughters die, his servants are killed, his fields burn up, and his livestock are carried off by raiding parties. One day, all of his worldly possessions gone. However, this is how the blameless and upright man who feared God responded:

"Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: 'Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.' In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing." Job 1:20-22

In a moment of extreme loss and intense grief Job worshiped God. Pretty amazing, but it gets even crazier! God then leaves Job's personal health at Satan's discretion and so Satan afflicted Job with sores that covered his entire body. Job's wife told him to curse God and die, but Job replied:

 "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" Job 1:10

Job's entire life was destroyed, miserable, empty. The people he loved, the things he had worked for, his own comfort, were taken in a moment, gone forever. He mourned tearing his robes and shaving his head, but he did not give into the bitterness. He refused to blame God for wrongdoing. Instead he chose to recognize God's sovereignty. 

Many times since last summer I have thought about Job's response and it never ceases to amaze me. When I line up the trials I'm experiencing to those around me, or to the story of Job,  they seem so small. I try to imagine how I would respond if I just lost one of those things, say a loved one. Would I fall down in worship? If I lost my health, say the use of my legs, would I recognize God's sovereignty? If I found myself living in a rundown house or out on the street, would I blame God for wrongdoing? Would I give into bitterness? Could I have the same attitude as Job?

Maybe that morning last summer wasn't about what God might take from me. Maybe it was about the position of my heart. Perhaps God was reminding me of His sovereignty, gently pointing out that I was still trying to direct or hold on to certain parts of my life. I think it was a small tugging on my heart to evaluate my life, to surrender, to truly, completely submit to God's sovereignty. Unfortunately, the last year has been painful as I slowly learn to surrender and accept God's will. Ironically, this verse hit me again this summer, just like last summer. Apparently, the Lord is prompting me to submit even more. I am challenged by Job to accept God's sovereignty in the midst of suffering, to worship the Lord whether I am experiencing good or trouble.

"The Lord does whatever pleases him, in the heavens and on the earth, in the seas and all their depths." Psalm 135:6

Who understands?

A couple years ago I was reading through Proverbs and came across Proverbs 14:10 which says:

"Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy."

Up to that point in my life I had not experienced the trials which cause true anguish to one's soul. The older I grow, the more I experience life's difficult and painful times. I have seen painful and seemingly unfair sorrows burden my friends. I myself have been pained. As I try to comfort those around me and others try to comfort me I am struck with the reality of this verse. No matter how much effort a person extends one can never truly understand the pain of another heart. I have tried. I can imagine, I can place myself in the other person's shoes, I can hurt for them, but I can never know their sorrow and bitterness. There is no one who understands. No one except our Heavenly Father.

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord." Psalm 139: 1-4

God knows man better than he knows himself because God created man. God knows my thoughts and before I even speak He knows what I am going to say. He truly knows me, which means he fully understands my pain. He doesn't have to imagine or try to put Himself in my shoes. Who understands? God understands.

 "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts." Ps.139:23