Space to Breathe

Living here on the other side of the world teaching for SPH schools, has given me the opportunity to experience more than I ever imagined in life. For example, this week during Easter holiday I am in Bali! Not only is that AMAZING, but . . . I get to travel with my best friend and her husband!! Today we began exploring Bali by visiting one of it's many temples Uluwatu. While I can't say much for the temple itself, the view from the cliffs was utterly breathtaking. There at the top of the cliffs there is space to breathe. Check it out.

Temple on a cliff

We are together in Bali, what?!? 

Random doors at the temple

Aren't they cute?

There were monkeys around the temple

I use to think all baby animals were cute . . . 

This is how I feel sometimes at the end of a teaching day, haha

Humbled

I felt it creep up my face, that all too familiar reddening of my cheeks. My pulse quickened. Then worst of all, my brain jumped on the usual merry-go-round of thoughts:

I thought I checked this? What is the student saying? Am I going to be able to answer their question? Oh, the student is looking at me, I should respond. Wait, what? Can they tell I'm flustered? Okay, come on, focus and actually think about the problem. What was the question again?

This is what happens in my brain sometimes. It use to happen all the time in college when the professor would randomly call on me in class. My brain checks out. Even if I was asked what color the sky was I wouldn't be able to answer! This is what happened today.

A student came to ask me about a question on a major exam. I thought I had checked the exam thoroughly, but I made an error. I made an error on another test today as well. I even failed to answer the questions my students asked me today in a timely manner so instead they asked their friends. Let's just say, today I was humbled. I was reminded of my inadequacies for the teaching position I currently hold. Yet . . . in the midst of this painful reminder and embarrassment I was reminded of something else.

I work in a community of grace. Despite the mistakes I seem to continually make, my co-workers have continued to be flexible, patient, and encouraging. It doesn't matter if it is the millionth time I walk into their room to ask them a clarifying question on a math concept, they still make time to help me. It doesn't have to be this way. Truly, I have been blessed by those I work with. I am so grateful for them!

Days like today make me want to throw in towel. I get so frustrated at myself. However, God in his sovereignty appointed me to this teaching position and had a plan in doing so. He knew my mistakes, inadequacies, and weaknesses, yet chose me to be a part of the math department at SPH. I felt today as if God was saying once again to me, "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9).  As much as I long to have it all together, to never have my brain check out, to have all my exams 100% perfect, that is not what I need. All I need is God's grace. Humbled, I look up and ask for God's power to be present in my weakness. I ask for the ability to perform well at my job for his glory, not mine.

One Small Victory

It's Wednesday night and as I sit down to type this I definitely have lessons to be planning and papers to be grading, but I want to stop for a moment to thank God. This afternoon I ran 4 miles. Being a collegiate cross country runner, this would have seemed like nothing at one point in my life, but today it was EVERYTHING. 

I shared on my prayer request page that I had been battling an injury. This last September my hips were somehow thrown out of alignment causing a significant amount of pain in my lower back. At one point this meant walking, sitting, and even standing were uncomfortable to me. I tried exercising (aka running), but of course this only caused inflammation and increased pain. At Christmas time, I was able to receive physical therapy and chiropractic help to align my hips. Since January I have slowly been making a come back. The steps have been small and frustrating. My back still gives me occasional discomfort and I am continuing my physical therapy exercises, but today felt like a victory. 

I once said I thought not being able to run would rank among the top three worst things that could ever happen to me in life. Probably not true, but it's certainly up there. It has not been easy. Running is much more than exercise to me. I am so glad to be lacing up my shoes and heading out to run again. The smile it puts on my face is kind of ridiculous . . . but I just can't help it :) I am blessed. I am thankful.

So if you have been praying for healing, you can now start praising (along with praying for complete recovery)! Thank you God for giving me a healthy body and the ability to run!! Okay, back to the school work . . . 

"So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. "

 1 Corinthians 10:31