All my life I have wanted to be perfect. I tried and tried; giving it everything I had within me. To some, I seemed to succeed, they even uttered the very word itself in describing me. As for me, I admitted I was not perfect, but I thought I was fairly close. I failed sometimes, sure, but I thought, if I just tried a little harder next time . . . maybe I would get there. After all, I was a responsible teenager, kind to others, a 4.0 student, and firmly held to conservative convictions. I may have fooled others into thinking I was perfect, I may have even fooled myself by thinking I was an "extremely good, moral person," but I couldn't fool God.
The truth is I am broken, tainted, flawed--sinful. While I had always known this in my head, I had not fully understood it in my heart until now. My life and heart are far from perfect. The past few years I have hurt people in relationships, been unable to obtain my dreams, struggled with shameful habits, tried to run my own life, and failed miserably time after time, despite my best efforts. Through life failures and getting to know God I now see just how much I fall short (Romans 3:23). My heart is selfish, prideful, judgmental, and self-reliant. God is not fooled.
Now as I see my flaws, I am overwhelmed with God's grace towards me! I have been given that which I did not deserve. I never was good enough for God to save me. I was even His enemy (Romans 5:10). Yet, it was in my weakness and in my sin that God demonstrated His love through sending Christ to die in my place for my sin. He chose to love me in all of my imperfection, just the way I was. Even now, He does not love me any less when I fail or any more when I choose righteousness. In my mistakes, weaknesses, downfalls, and struggles I see His grace. My flaws are hideous. They are messy, shameful, ugly, but His grace makes them beautiful as He is glorified.
The truth is I am broken, tainted, flawed--sinful. While I had always known this in my head, I had not fully understood it in my heart until now. My life and heart are far from perfect. The past few years I have hurt people in relationships, been unable to obtain my dreams, struggled with shameful habits, tried to run my own life, and failed miserably time after time, despite my best efforts. Through life failures and getting to know God I now see just how much I fall short (Romans 3:23). My heart is selfish, prideful, judgmental, and self-reliant. God is not fooled.
"There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. . . . there is no one who does good, not even one." Romans 3:11-12I have no good within me. None. I did not even have enough good in me to produce the faith necessary for my salvation, it was a gift from God (Ephesians 2:8-9). Anything good within me is from God. I am flawed.
Now as I see my flaws, I am overwhelmed with God's grace towards me! I have been given that which I did not deserve. I never was good enough for God to save me. I was even His enemy (Romans 5:10). Yet, it was in my weakness and in my sin that God demonstrated His love through sending Christ to die in my place for my sin. He chose to love me in all of my imperfection, just the way I was. Even now, He does not love me any less when I fail or any more when I choose righteousness. In my mistakes, weaknesses, downfalls, and struggles I see His grace. My flaws are hideous. They are messy, shameful, ugly, but His grace makes them beautiful as He is glorified.
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
God's grace has given me a freedom to be flawed. His love has stirred my heart and I cannot help but love Him back. I want to praise Him for His grace and strive to bring Him glory. My goal is not perfection, but obedience. I cling to His promise that he will carry on the good work he started in me (Philippians 1:6).
To Him be the glory and honor,
Karissa
