When I kept silent

David was called a "man after God's own heart," yet he still fell into sin. Not only did he sin, but sometimes he failed to acknowledge his wrongdoing before the Lord. In Psalm 32, David describes the ramifications of unconfessed sin he experienced.

"1 Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. 2 Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit. 3 When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. 4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. 5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgression to the Lord"--and you forgave the guilt of my sin. 6 Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him."                 Psalm 32:1-6

Sometimes I wish I could sit down and just talk with David. I mean, his words could almost be written from my own soul. If we could talk I would want to ask why he didn't confess his sins sooner. I wonder if we would find commonality in our experiences. Was it because he felt ashamed? Was it because he was in denial of his sin? Was it because he had excuse after excuse for his actions? Was it because he was fearful of God's wrath?  Was it because he was consumed with his own desires?

Whatever the reason, David's silence, poisoned his very being from the inside out. He was miserable, groaning all day, he was even brought to the point of physical discomfort. There is a struggle within between what has been done and the convictions of truth. The uneasiness is like a weight, a burden, which grows daily resulting in weariness. Even worse, unconfessed sin severs communion with God, therefore one remains alone, isolated. God already knows the sin, it is only self-inflicted injury.

Why do I try to hide things from God? Why do I keep silent at times? I have experienced the intolerable pain that it brings. Never have I felt so alone as when I kept silent. Never have I experienced greater affliction within my heart as when I refuse to acknowledge my sin. Never have I been so lost grasping for purpose as when I failed to confess my sin. Nothing satisfies like sweet communion with the Lord. I have been silent and there is no reason worth the anguish it brings. Truly, "Blessed is the man whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit."

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just, and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9